Friday, 17 June 2011


This has always been a matter of question, does age actually matter? Well, be it in professional or personal life. There is a famous saying, “Never ask a woman her age or man his salary”. Somehow these words are coming to a zilch, with the way beauty and economy is booming. What we don’t realize is that these developments have actually created ripples in an unimaginable area- the love life.

“Bhabhij, shaadi kay baad pyaar hojayega, aur pyaar main kyaa age bar?” This is one of the most common heard lines used by every marriage alliance agent. Well, this is generally one of the most common discussions in an arranged marriage. In love marriages, scenes can get a little bizarre, with guys falling in love with older women and women falling for young men. Experts, say that these things happen due to certain and uncertain psychological and emotional factors, which has not yet been completely explained. In other words no one knows why we tend to choose people who are older or younger to us.

Nevertheless, age definitely plays a major part when it comes to a relationship. Be it marriage or a non marriage one. A typical Indian’s understanding of a partner would be a man who is at least 3 years older to her or younger than him. The experts say that men mature late and women the opposite and hence there is a definite need of a certain age gap. And hence we see a lot of our celebrities falling in and out of relationships barring age.

So what is that thing that actually interest people to live and love them younger or older than themselves? Is it the father or mother like image or is it the puppy love or to be forever young feeling? Take for example Hollywood ex couple Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. Both their present partners are young. Or even take our very own Saif and Kareena; there is more than a 10 years difference. Is it just love or attraction or infatuation? You may ask me, aren’t grown up’s grown out of attraction and infatuation. Not necessarily! As a matter of fact, they never grow out of it. Attraction will remain till one goes to the grave and when it is pursued is what results in an affair.

Coming back to age bar, if we ask a young girl, how she wants her man to be, she’d out rightly reply saying that she’d love someone who is like her dad. And it goes the same way for guys as well. Psychology would term such a situation as Oedipus and Electra complex, where every child feels quite strongly for their mother and father respectively. Hence every man loves to see his mother and a woman her dad in her man. It’s a well understood fact that girl’s fall and have crushes for older men someone like a Richard Gere or a George Clooney. It’s just not their white pepper hair look, even the caring and I’m you’ knight in a shining armor feeling’ that a girl derives from a man way older to her. It’s another fact that, men become mellowed down and understanding as years pass by not missing the patient factor. So be it the lady tantrums or even her shopping or her raving mood swings, her handsome old man will always understand her. This cuts a very ‘mills and boons’ image of the hero who rescues the ‘always in trouble, lady damsel’.

Well, you may not agree to me, this is one of the most common upcoming facts as to why girls fall in love with let me put it, ‘wiser men’. And what about women falling in love with younger me-it’s all about feeling and living young. And for the young men dating older women, it’s all about gaining mother’s mantle of love. They may deny it, but this definitely is one of the many facts. But still, when asked people, they would blame it all on ‘cupid’ saying love is blind and you’d never know when and where , what could happen. May be true may be not. The 21st century is translating the word of love into the words of money and power. Hence we see people of different businesses getting together, despite of that fact that they may be just over the eligible age.

Keeping all these facts aside, let’s seriously look as to whether age difference does impact life. The answer is yes. Given the fact that men mature later than woman, the older the man is, the better it is for a relationship. Truth is he begins to understand relationships better and so also responsibilities. It’s a big gamble to say whether his tastes would turn to habits, like from a social drinking person to a complete drunkard or it may be with jobs as well. But the other part of it is that when, they end up getting married to really young women, they tend to become their baby sitters more than their partners.

Men and Women dream of love, romance, and sex when they think of marriage or even a great party, wedding march, sangeet and the rest. But what they really don’t get is that they are getting confused between a wedding and a marriage. Therefore, it really is becomes a quintessential thing to maintain a difference between partners. Well, on the other side, this is quite a debatable topic as age not necessarily transforms a person mature.

Experiences in life do play a very important role in shaping the personality and his/her view point of life. This is when the question rises, whether partners should have an age difference. So what could be the possible solution? None, I’m guessing. Marriage to some is an institution, for others it’s just a relationship to have an extended family and for the rest in can be truly a life worth living with a partner who is fortunate to suffice 3 out 5 of their priorities. As complex is the very decision making of a partner, so complex is the very relationship between couples.

Now with gay men and women coming out of the box and living a life of their own, does the matter of age exist here as well. I’m not quite sure, as like every relationship, even they build the foundation of their deal on love. Yes, agreed love is complex, yet it needs two people to work it out. So, for a successful relationship what is important, is the age bar, is it the caste, is it the money, is it the status, is the family background, is it the physical quotient or is it love?

My thinking is a little of all the above and more of the last one. But again a successful relationship does not really mean a bed of roses. Be it in a relationship where there is a reasonable age difference, one partner is always on the receiving end and when this becomes too much, that’s when we get to compromise to a greater end, resulting in the loss of the very essence of love and life.

Therefore, the safest and wiser way to build a relationship is to consider and analyze truly who and what you are and what you need. To know you, is to love yourself and there is no better judge than you. For some of us age doesn’t matter, but for most of us, age is definitely a factor or rather a mental satisfaction. It sounds like a permutation and combination equation. Nevertheless, this is what it takes to have a great relationship. So enjoy when your love when you live and enjoy life when in love.

The catch here is to be rational and emotional. Now what takes the upper hand varies from person to person. Nothing in this world comes easy or for free. Very soon we will be paying for the air we breathe, until then safeguard your life and love but making the right choice. Again, what is right choice? That is something I cannot answer for you.

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