Friday, 17 June 2011

The ‘Fall in and Fall Out’ of Love

It always looks better, the grass on the other side. Not just the grass, also the neighbor's wife/husband, your friend's sports car, your boss's apartment, your colleague's job and how ever many examples you want to hear. Most of us are never entirely satisfied with what we have. We think that all the above examples would be a better way to live our lives.

So, how many agree to disagree on this? Well, it’s a much known fact that we always love the other side. Somehow the love of this has shifted its base to even relationships. And Extra Marital Affairs (EMA) is one such case. Episodes of many couples breaking up and uniting with other partners have become something common to our ears. In the previous years, where the mention of such an incident was a sin to the ears, forget about the saying tongue, but does not mean they never existed in those days. My guess is from every Raja to Rancho, they all have had extra marital affairs. If you don’t believe me, at least believe our movies that have one : many heroines. Movies truly depict the times of our ages. So, is it an acceptable thing or is it a matter of prestige or is it just for the pure fun.

Looking from a very normal lay man’s point of view, why would any person what to have an extra marital relationship. Well, the answers are pretty interesting. Some of them claim that relationships are not physically made. It is a process when marinated with time gives birth to a child called ‘relationship’. So when it happens no one knows. So without your knowledge you will ‘fall in love’ with that person and after a while will realize what situation you are in.

A second reason is more of a ‘blame game’. This to a certain extent could be true when one partner is too involved in other matters and does not give time and attention to their family matters. In this generation the other thing is usually one’s work/profession life. Blame it on the work or the modern lingo called ‘work pressure’, that we get so involved that for this ‘paapi pet’ we let go our precious time and that ‘loving love’. So, for the love of love, we give away love itself. But, is it worth at all, when we realize that all that we have struggled to make both the ends meet, we have lost the ‘heart of our life’. Many of us do not realize the importance of the people who loves us. It pinches us only when we actually lose them all. More adverse being most of us do not realize that we have lost them and we only gaze as to what exactly has happened to the both of you’ll!

Then when it suddenly hits you, you point figures to your partner with the most understated outrageous blame, “How could you do this to me?” and the answer should be, “Why not”. Jolted! Well obvious, you may have been burning midnight oil, travelling across the globe, meeting deadlines, but my friend you have got your priorities all wrong. Yes, we want that job, that gives us the comfort, the standard and luxury, but can it compare to the precious value of your love. So when your partner finds companionship and love in someone else’s arms, he/she is just doing what you have done-being engaged to something else. Therefore the next time you find your partner having an EMA, build a good alibi for yourself to counter the reasons of your partner’s love life.

A major chunk of EMA cases fall under the above category, however, there are a few exceptional cases, where EMA are undertaken for a ‘kick’ something similar to ‘shop lifting’. I am being told that, doing such an adventurous thing gives one a kick or a high. May be its true, some of us agree and the rest deny. But the fact is- yes, it does exist and is treated as a very normal talk as a part of our daily conversation. Well, it is not fair to blame the ‘kalyug’ for this, but you can say that it definitely is taking place in full swing! Be it the ‘baby bloomers’ of marriages to the ones who are veterans, all looking for something new and different. This somehow makes the word ‘love and relationship’ sound like a commodity. We are so used of this ‘mall culture’ that provides us with this ingredient called variety that we have started viewing our lives through these lens and now we search for ‘variety’ in our relationships. And when we are welcomed into the doors of humdrum every day, anything unusual catches our eyes. We hear a lot of EMA’s happening at one’s work place. The reason being we work half of week lives here with people at very close counters. And now when travelling with team members becomes a mandatory option, a certain level of trust and comfort is built. During the course of time one never knows, how one ‘falls out and falls in love’. Such is the result of emotional involvement. (Such incidents would make amazing serial plots, so much for an ‘emotional atayachaar’-all in the name of pyaar.

Sometimes relationships like this goes to the next level where they almost bear their souls to each other. Trust when translated to attraction and desire, often results in a distasteful and uncomfortable relationship. And the time and money wasted on the very thought of this act is excruciating nevertheless exciting. So, is this right? I’m not quite sure of the answer. And again, if it’s not right, then the question of personal choice arises. “Who am I to judge anyone”?

Competition has never got better and bitter in this 21st century. We see and hear versions of how projects are won. Movies and serials are the best mirrors of this truth. Business has got bigger and larger and because of this many ground rules are made and broken. Like in reel, even in real there are people who have EMA’s to win that project or that promotion. Like the movie ‘Indecent Proposal’, where a wealthy man offers a young man’s wife to spend a night for a million dollars. Not getting into the details of that movie, but such is the scenario of love and life these days. ‘Money Matters’, she talks and is being talked about everyday and every moment. Oh! It sounds that, we have sold our soul to the devil in exchange for a luxurious life. But, again that age old question – “Is it all worth and if at all it is, what is a relationships true worth’.

Bah! Life, love and relationship sounds complicated. But, actually is it. Many of us are tired of our partners and hence we consciously or unconsciously look out at that greener pastures. The reality is that it can be uncomplicated. You and I are a product of evolution and we constantly change so it’s difficult to pin point saying a definite standard to a successful living. We change almost every day, hence more than living, we need to discover one another. I’m not writing here a ‘gyaan session’ on what and how to avoid an EMA, all I’m telling is, in comparison to your partner whom you have married to, the other one may not be really true. I sound old fashion, don’t I?

The truth is yes, we can work relationships, and we can kick away the tempting snake and dedicate our lives to our partners who have dedicated their lives. EMA may be exciting and give us that much wanted kick and break, but at the end of the day, you will be chewed royally into the jaws of guilt and from there, there is no escape. Since the time man existed, his/her temptations have always over ruled. Yet there are great stories that have encountered and faced such events. Not sounding so melodramatic, I don’t have to give you any tips. But yes stay away from the EMA. The market has many books and stories that talk in volumes of what love is and how to retain and creatively revive and resurrect your love. But there is no other better portion of love’ that the one you can use churned out of your love and experience. So burn that flame of love, pour in the oil of eternal and pure truthfulness and you will be surprised to notice how the lamp of your marital life will never wear out. And no matter how many ever storms of EMA blow at this relationship, your flame of love for one another will still light. True light of love will shine forever and ever. There is no one who deserves better other than you and your partner. Remember!

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